A Little Testament…I feel like preachin’

Harper isn’t feeling good today Slight fever. So she’s already back asleep. I usually never get a quiet morning to sip coffee, so I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to blog about something that’s been heavy on my mind. I’ve been thinking a lot about the girls who were kidnapped and then escaped, after 10 years in captivity. 10 years! That is 3,650+ days. Without going outside, seeing their family.. being locked up and raped. I just think about the little girls, only 14 at the time. Missing their first day of high school. Their whole teenage years. Education. Sleepovers. Boyfriends. Birthday celebrations. Learning how to drive. Summer breaks. Prom. Friends. Graduation. College. Every rite of passage and fun experience, stolen away. While they were chained up as sex slaves. Then to miss your mother’s funeral. For her to die thinking you were murdered. To be the next neighborhood over, and nothing you could do. To have your first child, fathered by your kidnapper and rapist. Instead of being brought into the world, happy with a loving husband. That special time. Maternity pictures. Their first outfits. Or the other woman, being punched in stomach every time she got pregnant, causing multiple miscarriages. And then all the questions.. what did they eat? What did they wear and where did they sleep? What did they do all day? How did it go on for 10 years without anyone finding out? Did they not call out for help when people came to the house? So many questions. Good thing about them is, they made it out alive. And they’re still young enough to have a decent life, hopefully. They’ll never be the same, but at least they’re back with their families. Then I think of Holly Bobo and all of the other young, innocent girls who get stolen off the streets. My heart breaks for them. To think if they’re still out there..or worse. It’s not fair. That an awful human being can completely ruin someone else’s life, hold them prisoner, or even murder them heinously. I could be sick all day thinking of it. How often that stuff happens here in America, and more all over the world.

Then, yet again, I think of sweet Wyncie and her mom Megan. The cutest little 3 year old, blessed with a new baby brother. A happy family. Robbed of life in 3 seconds by an irresponsible, unlicensed driver. A person meaning no harm to the family, but shattered their life in an instant. Megan having to go on, despite all odds with her personal injuries, without that precious baby girl, and also losing her own mother at the same time. Talk about no motivation.

What a depressing post… These things are always on my mind. Because I now have a daughter. And even though I don’t want to and try not to.. as a parent, we constantly worry about our children. I think those things are the worst things that could happen to someone. Obviously being killed. Or kidnapped. A child gone from your life. The most precious thing. I can’t leave out incurable sicknesses and disorders.. it’s hard to lose a child in anyway, or see them suffer or struggle through life. So this would also be extremely difficult. Now I’m a positive person, so I don’t dwell on these things or bring negative manifestations in my life. I will teach Harper not to talk to strangers, and the best way to handle that situation. Just like my parents and grandparents taught me, when I didn’t want to hear it. She will never, ever be unsupervised. And I will practice safe driving, seat belts, have a safe car, etc. But anyway… I think… these are definitely the absolute worst things that could happen. I can’t think of anything worse. But guess what… there is.

What could be worse? It probably happens just as often as kidnappings. And it’s not knowing Jesus Christ. Missing out on that simple knowledge is the worst thing that can happen to a person. For one, simply because Jesus=everlasting life. We obviously want our loved ones with us in Heaven. Innocent children are saved regardless. In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” But for us sinners, there are many scriptures regarding salvation.  Romans 10 says: ⁹ If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. And the popular John 3:16:  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. There are countless scriptures regarding sinners, and what happens to those who don’t repent. Who don’t seek Jesus. Who never accept the Truth. The unfulfilling life and how worldly riches do not equal Godly wealth. And there are plenty of scriptures that tell us to share the gospel. I love Second Thessalonians 13-17. The fact is… not knowing Jesus= miss out on everlasting life in Heaven. It’s sad to think of lost souls missing out on the greatest gift. It’s our purpose to love our neighbors and spread the Word to everyone.

Another benefit of knowing Jesus, is living a fulfilling life. Life with a purpose, and a life of hope. If you’re a Christian, chances are you have experienced a transformation, to where you gave your life to Christ, and can attest to the feeling. Sometimes we temporarily stray away from the word, and everyone sins, but once you become a Christian and begin a relationship with Jesus, you begin to uncover a deeper purpose for your life. I recently took part in two small group studies. One was Rick Warren’s devo..I highly recommend it. The study goes along with the book The Purpose Drive Life, but it’s easier to follow along since it’s broken down into six videos. I could go into this and type all day, but the main points he covers are “1. You matter to God. 2. You were planned for God’s pleasure. 3. You were formed for God’s family. 4. You were created to become like Christ. 5. You were shaped to serve God. and 6. You were made for a mission.” Think of a Godly person you know.. I think of someone who shines, displays happiness, feels blessed, enjoys the simple things in life, and treats others with love and respect. On the contrary, I know people that don’t have God in their life. They are negative, spiteful, depressed, on drugs or alcohol, feel hopeless. I’m not saying all Christians are amazingly happy or non-Christians are all depressed druggies, but either way there’s an apparent difference in each.

Truth is, we are loved by a divine power. Our God is all-knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful. We learn in Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” that no matter what, we will never be separated from God’s love. And in first Peter chapter 1: “³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, ⁵ who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹ for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” That’s a powerful message. I know I just keep throwing scriptures out, but people need different scriptures at different times. It’s important to always go back to the word. To get our knowledge from there, our divine instruction manual for life. Nothing is more powerful. Not the words I say. God gives hope. Hope for an everlasting life. Hope for a better tomorrow. Everyone experiences hardships. Some more than others. Even the biggest problems are minute in the grand scheme. The Bible says our life here on Earth is just a shadow. Just a tiny part, a fraction..compared to Eternal life in God’s Kingdom. I like to think, for especially those suffering an awful demise on Earth.. Revelations 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Verse 8 gives another outcome. I fully believe our suffering on earth will be repaid in great ways we cannot fathom. It’s important to know God and to teach our children of Him so that we can one day leave this materialistic world of sin behind, and be together, rejoicing in the Kingdom.

Being a child of God gives us unending love, undying hope, fortified faith, and unwavering willpower. We get to experience a life of purpose, with positive, uplifting relationships with other Christians, our brothers and sisters. We get opportunities to serve those less fortunate, and spread the light with everyone around us. We know there’s a God who answers all of our prayers, in His time. And we receive the gift of everlasting life. Little Wyncie at 3 years old, knew Jesus. She now walks with Jesus, and we can rejoice in that. We get strength from that. It’s a lot better knowing our day-to-day work flow isn’t all there is to life, and then we die. There’s more.

So those my thoughts.. the worst thing is not knowing Jesus, not being saved. But then, I had the pleasure of hearing Long Hollow’s Jordan preach on Mother’s Day. He had a completely different spin on it. You can watch here: http://www.longhollow.com/messages But his message was “The Greatest Gift A Mother Could Give.”  When I thought about the worst thing that could happen to someone, I wasn’t really thinking about the best. So.. what is the best thing that could happen to my daughter? Her parents win the lottery and build her a big house? She get a new car when she turns 16? She get a full athletic or academic scholarship to whichever college she wants to go to? She’s the prettiest, most popular girl in school? She raises a nice family? Those are great..but no, it’s none of those. None of those things matter, without Jesus. The worst thing and the best are one and the same. Being a child of God. Knowing the word and the Savior. And that’s the greatest gift a mother can teach her children. Children learn from watching their parents, whether you know they’re watching or not. They see you pray and read the Bible, help a needy person, work a charity function, foster a homeless animal, speak blessings of others. Or they see you fight with your spouse, drink a 12-pack at once, stay in bed all day, or talk ugly to someone on the phone. Following Jesus means wanting to be like Jesus. Wanting to have Christian values, and instilling them in your children. I want that in every way, shape and form. I could go into another tangent on how I don’t believe everything happens for a reason, but that there’s good that comes from everything that happens. God gives us free will, and accidents do happen, and people die prematurely. There’s evil in the world. But it’s our job to turn it into something good, that leads others to Christ. And to learn from others’ lives..to not take it for granted. To treat people with respect. To pray for those in need, our friends and more so, our enemies. I’m positive the only thing that keeps people like Megan Bouge going is knowing one day she will meet her daughter and mother again at the Gates and until then, God will give her strength. A local woman was recently paralyzed from the waist down in a skiing accident. That’s so depressing! But God gives her determination. She progresses everyday and is an inspiration to those around her. “Be the light you see in the world.” I lumped sum  a whole bunch of life lessons into one large essay. There’s hundreds of passages in the Bible I could have used, than inspire me. The overall message is to Seek Jesus, and if I’ve encouraged at least one person to do so, or to have a better day.. I’m happy with that. Anyone reading this has it 100x’s better than most people in the world. Wow and thank  you to anyone who made it to the end. And I leave you with this.. my favorite verse, Philippians 4:13: “I can do ALL things through Christ which strengthens me.”

Becoming clean.

I decided the last post was too big to also be inspiring. Last Friday, I had my house pretty clean for the weekend. By Sunday, it was destroyed! I mean..stuff everywhere! So, I’ve decided it just can’t be like that anymore. I’m over that. I’m grown and I want a nice house. I see other mom bloggers who do SO MUCH more than I even do. There’s no excuse why I can’t stay tidy. Yes, kids and dogs make it extremely difficult. But no reason we can’t but the chips back in the pantry or the clothes in the hamper, instead of floor. That kind of thing. Changing from a cluttered and messy person to a neat person is no easy task. That’s a journey in and of itself. It’s not something that you can just wake up and be. You can’t change it overnight or over a week. Trust me, I’ve tried! I’ve lived this way for 23 years. I’m not sure how to completely overcome it, but I will say this Friday my house was clean. And today.. it’s still clean! Not spotless, but not messy. One step at a time. It takes a conscious effort, ALL the time. And it’s something I’m willing to do now. Which means time to get off the computer and go put up the toys. Life is difficult being motivated to make changes is difficult. If we don’t like something, or don’t like how something is making us feel.. Just DO it! Change. No it’s not always as easy as the picture says. But it takes that spark, to want to be different. 

Recap. And Updates.

Like usual, I’m behind on writing. So many other things take a front seat to this. Andd it’s 3:00 and I barely have anything done. Oh well. That happens on Mondays. In case you are recently tuning in, since I plan to share my blog soon…maybe.. this is my journey on the way to a family of seven. We currently have six, including our 3 pets. (Oops, I did just get a fish, but he’s not counted! Oh well.. his name is Hugo) I’m writing about random things in my life, sort of keeping a personal journal..until I get a big fat positive! Then it can be a pregnancy blog 😉 I realized my posts thus far haven’t really been very inspiring. Basically they’re kind of a monologue. But, if you know me, I want to inspire people so I may start including at least a quote or something positive I’ve been reading about.  I also tend to get side-tracked and rant. Trying to stick to the point here. Anyway! I recently had a miscarriage, 8 weeks along. We didn’t lose a baby, just a pregnancy.. nothing had ever formed. As you can read on in my blog. So now starting over. Waiting for a “regular” period before trying again..may take another month. We could be having another winter baby, from the looks of it. Or Spring.

New updates:

I am almost to 50 orders in my Etsy shop. Yay! Made enough money to order plenty more frames, a few more craft supplies, and Kyle’s birthday present! Really excited about all of that, and that I have my OWN money in my own account now, first time since before we were married. I know Kyle’s money is mine too, but it feels great to buy him something from what I earned. And I needed a separate business account to keep track of those finances. PS. I’m the worst bookkeeper! All my receipts are in a jar.. that’s the extent of it.

I have started a few indoor greenhouses, to begin a garden. Hoping to have the ground tilled next weekend, so I can be getting the plants ready to go in the ground. It’s awesome! My squash plants are huge already, they probably need to be transplanted somewhere. So far I’m growing: lettuce, spinach, squash, cilantro, dill, rosemary, parsley, and basil. I just started another greenhouse this weekend, full of flower seeds. Cosmos, Zennia, and a few others.

Cooper no longer uses his crate. He probably would if we were persistent, but he prefers Kyle’s side of the bed. I usually still try to hear him in the mornings and get up to let him out, spending the next hour laying on the couch, keeping him from waking up everyone else  trying, but then he wakes Kyle up anyway and I go back to bed for a few! We have been leaving him free roam of the house if we leave, and so far so good. Only a few accidents that we know about. I’m proud of him!! He does have his hyper annoying times..A LOT.. jumping and biting. But overall he is so gentle toward Harper. It’s like he knows she’s a baby and he has to be sweet and easy. She wanders off sometimes and brings back his bone to give to him. It’s too cute!! They are good buddies.

Harper has really impressed me too! She uses her sign language all the time, but also imitates lots of words. She can sign: milk, dog, more, food/eat, book, all done, and fish. She saw me drinking water and asked for milk the other night, it was so perfect! Trying to teach her “water,” “outside” and “love you” too.  She’s starting to shake her head “no.” And I can’t even count the number of words she can say. Some are truly them, some a stretch.. but like I said, can imitate many sounds. Mama, Dadda, Ball, Kitty, Cat, Dog, Pickle, are the ones she for sure knows!

Harper – 14 months old- loves to:

Play outside
Sit on counters
Hug kitties
Set up and play with little animals
Read books
Play with (her size) chairs

She is also running now.

Last night we went to the second concert since she’s been born. Maroon 5. It was a lot of fun! We had free, club seat, tickets..can’t beat that! Since this was our second Maroon 5 concert, we thought it only fitting that I get a t-shirt. 🙂 We headed downtown around 6:30, and they didn’t even start until 9:30, when we had planned leaving. (Opening bands played until then- Owl City and Neon Trees.) Luckily, “Granny,” Kyle’s mother, had Harper to sleep around 9! We didn’t think it was possible, so we were thrilled and got to stay for most all of the concert.

As March winds down, I’m looking forward to Easter next week. April is our birthday month, so we have those to celebrate. Harper will be 15 months old. Starting the gardens and landscaping. Looking into a trip to the beach!!

Well, that’s a lot to take in! We’re at a great stage in life! 🙂 Thanks for getting this far.

We Miss You So

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. A local family laid their baby girl, Wyncie- 3 years old, to rest. She, her mother, and grandmother were all victims of a car crash a couple weeks ago. Her mom is severely injured, and her grandmother didn’t survive either. I didn’t know her personally, but I do have a special 3 year old nephew in my life, and I just couldn’t imagine losing such a precious angel. And my own daughter, who I am constantly holding closer. Her pictures showed such a sweet face, and she loved dancing and Hello Kitty. I can’t imagine the family and friend’s pain.. something ten-fold anything I’ve ever personally gone through. Everyone is sad for them, but they’re on my mind a lot. I want to be a better person, for Wyncie. Such an angel, just like all little children who have to leave the Earth so soon. I know they’re in a better, higher, bigger place, but it’s hard to imagine. 

Also- Valentine’s Day last year was the last time I saw and talked to Mary Beth. She came over to bring Malichai to visit so I could give him the Valentine’s presents Rachel sent to him. I know she’s a guardian angel now for everyone, but Rachel is still really having a hard time coping, as I’m sure her own daughters are. Someone so vibrant, so full of life, now absent from this world. 

My heart breaks for these two shattered families, over and over. My biggest fear in life is car and motorcycle accidents. Just proves how fast life can be over and cut short. I pray for everyone’s comfort. For them to be able to find the light in the darkness.

Well, I hope this is the last of the sad posts for a while… 

The Once and Future Babe

Well, things did not go as planned at the doctor.

Warning.. possible TMI and sensitive details ahead. For this exact reason, we never told anyone about this pregnancy, besides parents and siblings. So, if you are reading this, you are just finding out. Sorry, but I’m glad I made that decision! We would have told the rest of the family around 10 weeks, like we intend to do next time. Even though I’m making it public, it is a very personal issue and I don’t want to talk about it, at all, to anyone, because it will make me sad. Unless you have recently experienced a miscarriage yourself, in that case, I would be happy to talk about it with you. I’d just rather get it out there, and move on. Miscarriage happens to most women I know, it seems. I try to think of people who have only had healthy pregnancies (that we know about…lucky them) and I think of more who have experienced a m/c. I hate the word. My mom has lost four babies, as well as other women in my family, so it’s always felt like an impending doom. Now it’s here and it’s happening to me. This is my story.

We had a bad feeling, since the spotting for three nights in a row. I’ve had this doom over my head the whole weekend before. Mother’s intuition? However, I tried to stay positive, like I am now. We had an ultrasound done and could tell immediately something was wrong. There was no baby. I was 8 weeks, so there definitely should have been, and I know my dates are accurate. No baby. Only a sac. My heart sank and we were crushed. I was crying, so the lab lady led us to another room so the doctor could come in and talk with us.

Apparently this is a common reason for a miscarriage in early pregnancy. They didn’t tell me the scientific name, but I researched it and found that it’s called a “blighted ovum.” A sac forms, and your body thinks you are pregnant, but a baby never forms, only the sac. The doctor said this could have been from too many sperm trying to get in, so it never fertilized correctly. Needless to say, going from excited to see my little bean and to already being two months in, to no baby, was disheartening. This happens to some women, who go back a couple weeks later, to realize they had their dates wrong and now there’s a baby. This isn’t my case, and my body is starting to realize it and will “officially” miscarry on its own, and pass the sac (ew.) If it doesn’t, I will have to be admitted to the hospital for a procedure, which I find to be more traumatic and awful, so I’m praying that doesn’t happen. It gives some women more closure, but it will set me back.

So, we are sad that we won’t be having a little newborn in September. 😦 However, we are choosing to remain very optimistic. Not to discredit anyone else who has gone through this, because I know it’s devastating, but for us personally.. since no baby ever formed, we’re albeit less severe. We feel if there was a baby but no heartbeat or something, that’d be extremely worse, a different story. For couples who have been trying for a long while, or have no other kids, I couldn’t imagine their pain.  We had only been TTC for two months, so we will definitely be able to try again here soon and hopefully get better news! If Kyle hadn’t taken off the rest of the day yesterday, I would have been alone and crying all day. But we came home, played with our sweet precious baby we already have, and of course puppy!

ETA: I’m glad I hadn’t bought anything yet for this baby, but I feel pretty gloomy today. Now I’m behind on all of my business frames and obviously can’t tell them why.

It’s all in God’s hands though. It’s definitely a spiritual matter. It’s my belief that God definitely does not CAUSE these things to happen, as “it happened for a reason”…no. Maybe? We can say that about somethings to make ourselves feel better. But I believe He created the laws of science, such as gravity and weather cycles, just as he created women’s bodies to do miraculous things like carrying a baby for 9 months and then being able to sustain life and feed it, with milk. He created our bodies to know and terminate pregnancies that haven’t formed right, or at all. Nothing we can control, nothing I did wrong. It’s all pretty amazing, even though we never want to lose something or someone so dear. And He always gives us his love and it’s our job to seek Him in these times, to show us the way. To become better people and to learn from our experiences, and to grow closer in our relationship with God.

This is more of a journal, for my benefit, so I want to include it in my blog. It’s a defining point in my life, to definitely be better a better person and Christian. Besides teaching your children about God, showing them love, and educating them, I think the greatest gift you can give them is siblings.  When you have no one else, or when your parents have passed, (ideally) you will always have your siblings. Your sisters and brothers by fate, your best friends by choice. If I didn’t have my sister and sister-in-law, I would no doubt be crazy. They are such blessings to me and I want Harper to have as many siblings as God intends. 😉

This blog will still remain “Sevenly Bliss,” of course, as this is the journey for our seventh family member. Whenever that may be, I’ll be ready. Maybe more ready, now that I have a few more months to catch up on…life. It will remain unshared for quite a while longer, but that’s okay.

Have a great day!